Threshold of Stupidity Tolerance

 "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -Albert Einstein.


I have something called my threshold of stupidity tolerance. It is how I measure the amount of stupid which I can take at any one time before I feel the need to hurt someone. Last night it took less than 10 minutes for that tto be breached. I attended an interfaith presentation and panel discussion on woman within world religions. I enjoyed the presentations themselves and liked the speakers, even though I disagreed with them, which is to be expected since I practice none of their religions.

Having spent some time in college arguing with professors and speakers about how wrong they were to deny my naive and uneducated opinion(s), I eventually realized that I'm an idiot and should keep my mouth shut; Unless the folks who hear my words will either benefit or enjoy hearing my words. I often don't do that, but at least I've come to know that people who've spent a good portion of their lives believing or studying something will probably know more about it than me. Now I'm not certain about this, but when someone who knows more about something then you talks about the subject, when you spend your time listening to or asking good questions of them an experience called learning occurs. When someone who is equipped only with opinion and emotion wont shut up, I experience a mixture of annoyance and anger.

One of the topics which was brought up was sexuality in the various religions. I personally feel that sex is for marriage, that humans are meant to have only one sexual partner who is of the opposite gender that they will partner with in life and the raising of children produced by intercourse or adoption. Not everyone agrees with this, and thats fine. They've not lived my life and might not serve my God. However, I do expect that other people will treat me and my beliefs with the same respect, or at the least tolerance, that I extend to them. I naturally expect people to treat others with this same decency (theres something about that in the Bible, isn't there?).

There were a few ladies there in their 60's who had decided that they were free to ridicule or levy any insult or opinion they had against the woman who'd spoken. Now I've said that I disagreed with what the speakers believed, but I did respect how they presented it. The gals who attacked the speakers came from both conservative and liberal backgrounds but were very concerned with being heard, seemingly regardless of what damage they did to the feelings of the others. I'm not the kind of guy to put up with that.

My aversion to whats I call cruel stupidity comes from having practiced it most my life. I was bullied in school, and since I'm smarter than most people would find my ways of getting back at them. Usually that meant mentally or verbally tearing them apart. I've been hurt by words and have done my share of abusing with them. Because of this my opinion of someone falls quickly if I watch them publicly insult and try to humiliate someone that does not deserve it. Actually, to an extent I don't like seeing it done to people who do deserve it. I recognize that in a way this is what I'm doing here.

It's hard for me to draw the line that divides calling someone out from ridiculing them. Hopefully I'll figure that out someday. But my main point in writing this is that you, as a human, are not tasked with going through your life proving to others how correct you are by the arguments you make. Frankly, if truth is possessed by so cruel a holder I question the benevolence of the god, or gods, they serve. Such cruel criticism and attitudes from the church have driven people away from God, away from the love Jesus has for them. As a Christian, it is not up to me to argue people into believing. It should rather be my joy to live in a way that shows why Christ is a God worth following. I think that if we as his disciples were to come close to obeying what he teaches, that would be the best argument or evidence possible to prove his existence.

As always I want you feedback, especially since this blog is a lot newer in my mind than one's I've posted in the past.

More to come
PJ

It will always amaze me how being able to talk to and see a family member only increase my homesickness. I still jump at the opportunity to skype with a close friend or family member from back home. I enjoy the conversations and much prefer them to phone calls. So its not the experience itself that makes me want to be home. It's that I know there is more to experience with these people than a simply seeing & hearing them through a computer. It's better than nothing at all, but when I compare it to being home with them analyzing the simplicity out of movies, playing a game of Risk while we binge on homemade cookies, getting "powned" by my brother at video games, or sitting down to eat my mom's Shepherd's pie it makes me both grateful for the call and eager to be in the same room physically with the people I love again. 1,000 miles is instantly bridged by a picture or sound, but such a thing pales in comparison to the idea of physically with them the next time I visit Oregon (which is where most of those I'm talking about live). I've experienced something more than what I have now that tells me there will be a joy surpassing today's. I imagine that the return of Christ is something similar I've never been in the physical presence of God, but I have in my life been in situations where I know I was in his presence, in the spiritual sense at least. Sometimes it was while I was praying, reading something, or even just writing. One time that sticks out is when a friend and I were caught near the top of a mountain as a thunderstorm hit. There. I we were at almost 11,000ft with lightning flashes surrounding us and thunder booms that shook my entire being. At the time I was terrified, we both actually were but neither of us said a thing about it. Towards the end of the storm I starting to attempt to capture a mental image of what was surrounding me, at one point I realized that the experience was in the same moment both one of the most dangerous & wondrous things I had ever experienced. On the trip back down we talked about how being caught in that storm had to be somewhat similar to being in the presence of God. At some point in my life (or death) I will know for sure how close thunder comes to the real thing. I imagine that what I've experienced with God in this life is less than what I will later. Not just when I die though. I suspect as His kingdom progressively invades the earth through the hearts of his followers we will see and understand more and more about what its like to stand in His throne room. I look forward to being part of that.

Thanks for the Choice of Love

When I say to God "thank you" what I really mean is: "I'm currently in a mood of appreciation because I've had a pleasant experience". Which turns my statement into an fyi, informing the deity that I am in a good mood and want to tell him about. So it's really more of a brag than a thank you. I suppose this holds true for negative expressions too; Meaning that I would never believe now that I ever held sincere hatred for the God I serve, but there have been times when I felt as though I did. Those thoughts too, were bred from my emotional state at the time, rather than anything really pertaining to the god I'm tanking. Which is where one of my life's darker fears grows from. If my perceived hatred is not genuine, which is the strongest of my negative emotion, and gratitude is also a capricious whim; what about when I say "I love you" to God or anyone? Moods can be altered by drugs or drink, and are dependent on things like food and sleep besides. So if when I tell a family member that I love them, do I mean it? Or is it just the standard expression I use, like "how are you?" is just hello and "amen" has become a punctuation marking a prayers end? And if I cannot be certain about the genuineness of my love, which I believe is tied into the chore of my identity and worth as a human, it becomes hard to place value on any relationship or experience, even where my religion is concerned. If the Christian faith boils down to loving God and loving people, can I call myself a follower of Christ if I doubt the sincerity of? Actually yes, but fortunately there's actually a part of the Bible that helps clear things up on the matter. In the book of 1 Corinthians Paul gives a fairly fantastic description of what love is. Which is: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres(verses 4-7, NIV)". Did you notice something strange about all that? I mean, he left something out, right? In all of that there was no mention of warm and fuzzy feelings, no butterflies, references to elegant words, or even a rational explanation of why we love. It almost seems that most of this stuff goes against the emotions I experience. Love means not holding a grudge, or even keeping a list of reasons why I could. It's not overly eager to rush into things, which has somehow been tied into our views on romance so that seems strange and an unromantic. It shouldn't be too hard to find at least one emotion or cultural perception that clashes with each of these things Paul cites as characteristics of love. So does that mean that love isn't an emotion? Yep, I say that sounds about write. Its a choice, or rather series of choices that we make for the good of those we love. I don't particularly enjoy doing some of these things; I like holding grudge and am certainly not patient, but if I choose to love someone, then I'm not aloud to act on my desires. I'm to act against them. I guess that makes sense when you think of emotions as chemical reactions in the brain, and therefore part of the flesh that the Spirit is warring against (see Romans chapter 8 & Galatians chapter 5 if your not sure what I'm talking about). I'm not saying that all emotions are bad. If that were the case then we'd all have to walk around like Keanu Reeves' characters void of any qualities that make us human. I'm just pointing out that Love is not based on what your feeling or experiencing. It's based on what you choose to do. And suddenly it becomes a little bit clearer why it is I have God's love so strongly directed at me; he chooses to love in spite of how angry, disappointed, or hurt I make him (& I cant say for certain that I've ever made him any of these things. Just that if I have he still has chosen to love me). So maybe things like gratitude and hatred fall into this category as well? Things that we choose to show with our actions and words, rather than things that are merely felt. When it comes down to it, my view is that this is preferably over philosophy or theology that is based on emotion. You see, we cannot control or emotions, but we are the masters of our actions. More to come. PS. I know that God expresses emotion in the Bible and that some of my thoughts here need more developing. If you have any comments on them please leave them bellow, I'd appreciate the food for thought for when I return to this subject later. I hope you enjoyed the super bowl. -Jed

Odd Though I Am

I buy into people being works of art. My canvas depicts a rather odd,loud, and awkward 23 year old with a red beard. At least that's what I imagine most people see through a first or second glance. But in actuality, I've got a lot more to me. Most of what are called my hidden qualities are really just slightly less obvious quirks and foibles that would be caught right away in most people, which would be true for me if I was part of that demographic. For whatever reason, my Architect decided to take the places in human design that are supposed to posses cool skills like a good singing voice or hand to eye coordination, and fill them up with oddities; like an obsession with comic books or inability to sit still or pay attention for more than 14 seconds (I'm not kidding, that's actually my limit). I have no clue why that omnipotent twerp decided to make me this way, but he did. I can get more than frustrated with him, and we get into it from time to time. I've determined that its his responsibility to own up to my mistakes since he built me; you know, like how it's the mechanics fault if your breaks go out a week after they were supposedly fixed? Well here is where I run into a problem: Artist's hate cliche's, at least the good ones generally do. And I think that this architect is rather fond of putting an out of the box twist on what he makes. And I guess that makes some sense. Who wants to decorate with all the same picture? My apartment has a variety of super hero posters on its wall, and even though one of them is my favorite, I didn't want to buy only that one. It would be like putting up a wall paper instead of decorations, which I'm pretty sure are supposed to relate to, but not copy, each other. And I guess that if the architect turned artisan treats the words as he easel there is a fondness in him for related diversity among his works. If that is the case, then wouldn't the odd balls like myself be somewhere along the cutting edge? I mean, nothing against the classics, but its kinda nice to look at abnormalities with the realization that they were probably put in me for a reason. Even more so when you think about some of this guy's past works: Tim Tebow,Audrey Hepburn, Matt Thiessen, good 'ol Einstein, and Chuck Norris. This guy knows what hes doing. The greatest comfort from all of this doesn't come from knowing that I'm from the same manufacturer as all these folks, it comes from know that this God fellow, the architects more common name, seems to be good at what he does. I don't think that he would intentionally make some of us inferior to the rest, which is a very far thing from different. He seems to prefer to show off different sides of his creativity, and makes each new design in it's own way for their own purpose. When I start to think about all of this it becomes slightly more clear why I might be among the 1 of 70 boys born with a form of autism these days (for those of you who don't know, I have auspergers syndrome, which is a kind of autism). Just maybe that one thing that has caused my life more trouble in life than any other, and frankly makes me feel alone most of my day, exist within because there is a plan for it. I know that I certainly enjoy some of it's perks; like being able to take in large amounts of information in seconds and then not forget it or obsess about one thing until I've mastered it (currently that thing is beer). I am created for a purpose, and that is something I don't get to choose. It was chosen for me by the one who designed me, and therefore knows me best (read psalm 139, you'll see a bit of what I mean). I don't know much about what that one thing might be, but its there, or rather here within myself and the people around me. But what I do know (and this is among the very few things I can say with no doubt) is that who I am reflects a part of who Jesus is. I have that in common with you. It is one thing that truly matters in life. The strange thing about this commonality though, is that it makes us unique and valuable. God's pretty big I think, and fairly smart too. The differences between myself and most folks matter as little as what I have in common with them. I do not think I will ever be justly judged on a scale weighing how much I'm like anyone else. What will be evaluated is how I treat people, I feel about them, and how I use my unique design to make life a little better for them. And all of this is to say, God and I don't always get along, mostly because of me. But my individual reflection of him (and I think that I got some of his stubbornness) is a reason why I'm worth loving. And besides, what mHy imperfect eyes see as flaws may very well be the crown fashioned for me by His perfect hands. In all probability, my greatest flaw is not realizing thats exactly what they are. More to come, my fellow works of art. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful" Psalm 139:14

A shipwrecked view on love

I saw on the news just now that there are still 15 people missing in some cruise ship that wrecked, and among them are some Americans. Of course the first thing to pop in my mind was "my oh my, we'd better be concerned because there ares some fellow US citizens amongst those who might be dead and are certainly in a position of danger!". Actually thats a lie. The first thing I thought was "I should probably keep track of the news better", cause I didn't even know a ship had crashed until yesterday The second thing I thought was "why in the hell does it matter what country these people are from?" I get being concerned if someone you know is in danger, and I'm aware that the more we have in common with a stranger the easier it is to empathize with them. But does it really matter that out of the more than a dozen people whose lives are on the line a few of them are Americans? I don't think it does. You should know, and its possible that you already do, that I consider my first and most significant loyalty is not to the United states; it is to (what I believe is) the eternal Kingdom of God. Fortunately, the two are (mostly) not mutually exclusive. As a member of Heaven's occupying force (one of the nicknames I have for the church) it is my job to do what I can to help folks, nationality doesn't really matter to much. I care a whole lot that people are in danger or dead, but thats just because their people; bearers of the imago dei (image of God). As such, it is my job to protect them. That Jesus guy I'm so fond of talking about said a few things I like to quote. Things like "Love your neighbor as yourself (taken from the Bible, book of Matthew Chapter 19, verse 19)" and "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. (Matt. 5:43-45)" Loving your neighbor enough to understand, we just need to do whats best for the people around us. Our fellow Americans for example. But, that second quote is confusing. My enemies are people I don't like. Typically folks get put into this mental category because they have tried to or would like to hurt me or someone I care about. Emotional, physical, economic damage, whatever they choose as their target doesn't matter. I don't like them and I want their lives to be ruined by awful things. And they deserve it. So here we have neighbors & friends, and then on the other extreme enemies and foes. So far I can say that how they've treated me motivates how I in turn act towards them. But, thats not how I'm supposed to do it. Love (read 1 Corinthians 13's definition to see what I mean by love) requires action, often in a way that goes against emotion. Treat people like I want to be treated, thats kinda what what the big guy said, isnt it? Well I want my enemies to do nice things for me, and if I also am their foe maybe I should be the one to start acting that way? Most likely this will lead to me only getting hurt more and worse, but if I'm going to be a disciple who wants to be like my rabbi, shouldn't I be willing to endure punishment for people who hurt me? Nationality, religion,and certainly not race should affect how I love. Enemy or friend, God blesses them with life and rain. Arab or Englishmen, Terrorist or marine, Christian or Muslim, all mean the same to my King Jesus. To him, all of these titles translate to "loved by God". More to come

Ron Swonson as a myetaphor for church

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFWeoxrhbE8 watch that link. Now watch it again and see Ron Swanson (the guy with a mustache) as me, and the Lowe's Employee as your typical pastor (or un-typical pastor if you prefer). Oh, and instead of a hardware store were in a church. Now I, unlike Ron in the video am there not to fix up my friend's apartment but to help a Buddie deal with something. Doesn't matter what. Just make up a problem and thats what I need to help my friend with. Now, my friend is the mohawk guy (it's a Halloween episode) in this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBSv_0o6beY And the house is his life. I'm not trying to imply that I'm anywhere near as capable of fixing my friend's life as Ron is at repairing houses, I'm mostly pointing out my own arrogance when it comes to hearing other people preach. You see, after four years of theology courses and 19 years of being a Christian there are few sermons I've not already heard. On top of that, most topics talked about in church have been discussed so in depthly during my time in college that most one hour conversation only scratch the surface of what I know. This has led to me becoming even more board than I usually am sitting still when I listen to others preach. The blending of arrogance, knowledge, and a male's attention span has turned church into a conflict between daydreams and theology. Not a good thing when your part of the ministry staff. But here we come to what I think the problem is. Sunday morning services have become focused on knowledge. Which means the Christians produced by these value knowledge and belief highly. Thats not a bad thing, but Christ followers should have something more at the chore of their values. Namely, taking care of other folks. Yes, belief in Christ being who the Bible says he is is key, but theres more to it. We are meant not just to believe what Jesus taught, but are to do it too (I recommend reading the book of James, especially chapter two, and even more so verse 26). Being saved by faith is great; I love that my mistakes were taken to the cross, but if my faith stops at me being forgiven, is it really worth anything? The life of a Christ follower should be one of action caused by faith and driven by love. With the current church model, this becomes difficult if not impossible for most congregations. Because were meant to do this in community as a church. But with a preacher whose message is what the services are based off of(please don't say or think something dumb like "but their centered on Jesus". I'm talking about the structure not motive here), the rest of the members are left with nothing to do but receive knowledge and talk amongst themselves afterwords. This method leave me dissatisfied, because I think when the member's of Christ's body gather together it should be to offer an act of service. Thats my ideal anyway. More to come (on this topic especially)

Ah Starbucks

Ah Starbucks, their all the same and I love it. Now, here in Billings there are several coffee shops, though far less than I am used to having been schooled in Eugene and raised near Portland. Off the Leaf would be my favorite, because it is a lot like the ones I frequented back in Oregon. There are a few cafes that I also like more than Starbucks. However today I am at Starbucks because it is consistent and because I have a gift card. I still don't have internet set up at my house, so that means Facebook and Google are only available where there is public wify, which I'm ok with because being in public makes it much more likely that I will meet a new friend, and I could use a few of those out here. I find irony in this. At my small studio apartment I don't meet or see any new people, and I don't want to spend time there because I have no internet and little entertainment to occupy my rather hyper self. Boredom forces me down from The Watchtower (the name I've given my studio, borrowed from the Justice Leagues outer space headquarters), into a public space so I can get on Facebook and keep tabs on my friends back home. However, since I need to be in public to do this. See what I'm getting at? It's easy enough to spend hours on Facebook, even if we've read, liked, and played everything that we can, we still stay on that website waiting for a red notification to pop up in the top left corner, which is really (at least in my case) waiting for a digital reminder telling us that someone out there approves of what we do. I know my friends like me. That's why we are friends. And I love it when we can message each other or video chat on a social networking cite, it really can make my day. But when my dedicated addiction to these social mediums robs me of an opportunity to physically be around other people, its gone from something that helps keep us in touch to a thing that will prevent us from receiving any sort of touch. This has all been said before, but with where my thoughts are going as I jog these days I wanted to give a bit of information ion what I think about social networking, since that will be crucial to understanding what I have to say in my next few posts, probably. As always, more is to come. -P.J.

I wish I were more religious, in the genuine way

I wish I was more religious. Truly, that would make me happy, or at least content. Why? Because it is a beautiful thing. Now, I’m not talking about the kind of thing practiced by medieval lords or a faith that consists of simply habits or rules. That’s not what I mean. I talking about the stuff that makes me look at people with extremely forgetfull eyes that pierce skemeas and expectations so they see whats actually there. Hands that spend more time holding other peoples troubles then they do clenched. You know, like lending a couple hours to a single mom or giving a minimal sum of cash so some kid in a picture will stop looking weird with that bloated belly and skinny limbs. The stuff that changes the world through sacrifice, forgettfull forgiving, love that acts (not feels), and ultimately a church that looks a little bit more like Jesus. I am a big fan of that guy. He tends to ignore how much of a moron I am, and how excellent at displaying my faults I can be (though I do want to point out that He is in fact my architect, so I feel like he should accept at least some of the responsibility for how often I fall short). The guy made some good alcohol, spent a whole lot of time with hookers, befriended high school drop outs (those would be some of the first 12 apostles), and told certain religious leaders where they could put their hypocritical attempts at worship and spiritual instruction. He also was at least BA enough to make his own whip and clear an entire temple with it. Ultimately, Jesus was nothing like what people thought he would be. And I imagine hes quite a bit different than who I think he is. But I do know that Jesus was very religious. He observed Jewish customs, since he was after all a Jew, and followed the commandments that we read (or more likely skip over) from the Old Testament (which was the only part of the Bible in His day). When he prayed, he covered his head in a prayer showel. When it came time for a religious feast, he participated. And when it came time for him to step up as the biggest skape goat ever, he did it. Why? Because he was religious, and because he had this crazy thing called love for people that I realy don’t get (probably because I was an Resident assistant in college and worked retail for a while. Those are two great jobs to have if you want to see how much people suck at being kind, or at least polite). His prayer in Gethsane was both a personal conversation with His (and by adoption our) father and an act of religious devotion to His God (and by choice, mine). The two work together. See, when I say religious you think judgemenal, or see an angry nun, or a bunch of rules, or whatever. I see me and Jesus sitting down for Coffee or a beer and talking about my life. And I also picture me flat on my face crying and sobbing as I pray alone in my room. I think of buying Richard, an 40 some year old hblack guy I met once who was homeless, dinner. Or Sarah the cookie lady who dedicated her life to helping young men get off the street, and often gave them wonderfully made chocolate chip cookies. I sometimes think of my Granma, who I call Nana. She is religious. She prays when she wakes up and only ends up getting sleep because it interrupts her bedtime prayers. She is strong, she is kind, and loves better by how she lives than anyone else I know. She is religious because she is dedicated to God’s work and invests herself in the people around her. Nana prays because she trust God to do a better job handling things than her, and that is part of her religion. She talks about Jesus with the same familiarity she would her father, who sang with the voice of an Irish Tenner. The Christian religion to her is practiced by putting your faith in who the Bible says Jesus is, and then going and doing what Christ teaches us to do. Her faith and her religion are one. She understands that servant like devotion to the will of God is religious, and it is part of her life. If we are going to call ourselves Christians, we should at least recognize that this means we have a religion, and that religion is very demanding by todays standards. The weird part about these religious rules though, is that they exist for our benefit, to keep us out of harms way. Kinda like mom making me hold her hand at the zoo, which I hated at the time because I wanted to go hug a lion and couldn’t understand why she was so against me having what I wanted. It was of course because she loved me and didn’t want to see her son get chomped by a massive kitty. Though in my teenage years, I’m thnkfull we didn’t go to the zoo often. It is my hope that I can be part of this emerging generation’s efforts to reclaisom and redeem religion. This is not something we can do on our own, but it is possible. Jesus, after all, has already saved religion once.