It will always amaze me how being able to talk to and see a family member only increase my homesickness. I still jump at the opportunity to skype with a close friend or family member from back home. I enjoy the conversations and much prefer them to phone calls. So its not the experience itself that makes me want to be home. It's that I know there is more to experience with these people than a simply seeing & hearing them through a computer. It's better than nothing at all, but when I compare it to being home with them analyzing the simplicity out of movies, playing a game of Risk while we binge on homemade cookies, getting "powned" by my brother at video games, or sitting down to eat my mom's Shepherd's pie it makes me both grateful for the call and eager to be in the same room physically with the people I love again. 1,000 miles is instantly bridged by a picture or sound, but such a thing pales in comparison to the idea of physically with them the next time I visit Oregon (which is where most of those I'm talking about live). I've experienced something more than what I have now that tells me there will be a joy surpassing today's. I imagine that the return of Christ is something similar I've never been in the physical presence of God, but I have in my life been in situations where I know I was in his presence, in the spiritual sense at least. Sometimes it was while I was praying, reading something, or even just writing. One time that sticks out is when a friend and I were caught near the top of a mountain as a thunderstorm hit. There. I we were at almost 11,000ft with lightning flashes surrounding us and thunder booms that shook my entire being. At the time I was terrified, we both actually were but neither of us said a thing about it. Towards the end of the storm I starting to attempt to capture a mental image of what was surrounding me, at one point I realized that the experience was in the same moment both one of the most dangerous & wondrous things I had ever experienced. On the trip back down we talked about how being caught in that storm had to be somewhat similar to being in the presence of God. At some point in my life (or death) I will know for sure how close thunder comes to the real thing. I imagine that what I've experienced with God in this life is less than what I will later. Not just when I die though. I suspect as His kingdom progressively invades the earth through the hearts of his followers we will see and understand more and more about what its like to stand in His throne room. I look forward to being part of that.

Thanks for the Choice of Love

When I say to God "thank you" what I really mean is: "I'm currently in a mood of appreciation because I've had a pleasant experience". Which turns my statement into an fyi, informing the deity that I am in a good mood and want to tell him about. So it's really more of a brag than a thank you. I suppose this holds true for negative expressions too; Meaning that I would never believe now that I ever held sincere hatred for the God I serve, but there have been times when I felt as though I did. Those thoughts too, were bred from my emotional state at the time, rather than anything really pertaining to the god I'm tanking. Which is where one of my life's darker fears grows from. If my perceived hatred is not genuine, which is the strongest of my negative emotion, and gratitude is also a capricious whim; what about when I say "I love you" to God or anyone? Moods can be altered by drugs or drink, and are dependent on things like food and sleep besides. So if when I tell a family member that I love them, do I mean it? Or is it just the standard expression I use, like "how are you?" is just hello and "amen" has become a punctuation marking a prayers end? And if I cannot be certain about the genuineness of my love, which I believe is tied into the chore of my identity and worth as a human, it becomes hard to place value on any relationship or experience, even where my religion is concerned. If the Christian faith boils down to loving God and loving people, can I call myself a follower of Christ if I doubt the sincerity of? Actually yes, but fortunately there's actually a part of the Bible that helps clear things up on the matter. In the book of 1 Corinthians Paul gives a fairly fantastic description of what love is. Which is: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres(verses 4-7, NIV)". Did you notice something strange about all that? I mean, he left something out, right? In all of that there was no mention of warm and fuzzy feelings, no butterflies, references to elegant words, or even a rational explanation of why we love. It almost seems that most of this stuff goes against the emotions I experience. Love means not holding a grudge, or even keeping a list of reasons why I could. It's not overly eager to rush into things, which has somehow been tied into our views on romance so that seems strange and an unromantic. It shouldn't be too hard to find at least one emotion or cultural perception that clashes with each of these things Paul cites as characteristics of love. So does that mean that love isn't an emotion? Yep, I say that sounds about write. Its a choice, or rather series of choices that we make for the good of those we love. I don't particularly enjoy doing some of these things; I like holding grudge and am certainly not patient, but if I choose to love someone, then I'm not aloud to act on my desires. I'm to act against them. I guess that makes sense when you think of emotions as chemical reactions in the brain, and therefore part of the flesh that the Spirit is warring against (see Romans chapter 8 & Galatians chapter 5 if your not sure what I'm talking about). I'm not saying that all emotions are bad. If that were the case then we'd all have to walk around like Keanu Reeves' characters void of any qualities that make us human. I'm just pointing out that Love is not based on what your feeling or experiencing. It's based on what you choose to do. And suddenly it becomes a little bit clearer why it is I have God's love so strongly directed at me; he chooses to love in spite of how angry, disappointed, or hurt I make him (& I cant say for certain that I've ever made him any of these things. Just that if I have he still has chosen to love me). So maybe things like gratitude and hatred fall into this category as well? Things that we choose to show with our actions and words, rather than things that are merely felt. When it comes down to it, my view is that this is preferably over philosophy or theology that is based on emotion. You see, we cannot control or emotions, but we are the masters of our actions. More to come. PS. I know that God expresses emotion in the Bible and that some of my thoughts here need more developing. If you have any comments on them please leave them bellow, I'd appreciate the food for thought for when I return to this subject later. I hope you enjoyed the super bowl. -Jed