Odd Though I Am

I buy into people being works of art. My canvas depicts a rather odd,loud, and awkward 23 year old with a red beard. At least that's what I imagine most people see through a first or second glance. But in actuality, I've got a lot more to me. Most of what are called my hidden qualities are really just slightly less obvious quirks and foibles that would be caught right away in most people, which would be true for me if I was part of that demographic. For whatever reason, my Architect decided to take the places in human design that are supposed to posses cool skills like a good singing voice or hand to eye coordination, and fill them up with oddities; like an obsession with comic books or inability to sit still or pay attention for more than 14 seconds (I'm not kidding, that's actually my limit). I have no clue why that omnipotent twerp decided to make me this way, but he did. I can get more than frustrated with him, and we get into it from time to time. I've determined that its his responsibility to own up to my mistakes since he built me; you know, like how it's the mechanics fault if your breaks go out a week after they were supposedly fixed? Well here is where I run into a problem: Artist's hate cliche's, at least the good ones generally do. And I think that this architect is rather fond of putting an out of the box twist on what he makes. And I guess that makes some sense. Who wants to decorate with all the same picture? My apartment has a variety of super hero posters on its wall, and even though one of them is my favorite, I didn't want to buy only that one. It would be like putting up a wall paper instead of decorations, which I'm pretty sure are supposed to relate to, but not copy, each other. And I guess that if the architect turned artisan treats the words as he easel there is a fondness in him for related diversity among his works. If that is the case, then wouldn't the odd balls like myself be somewhere along the cutting edge? I mean, nothing against the classics, but its kinda nice to look at abnormalities with the realization that they were probably put in me for a reason. Even more so when you think about some of this guy's past works: Tim Tebow,Audrey Hepburn, Matt Thiessen, good 'ol Einstein, and Chuck Norris. This guy knows what hes doing. The greatest comfort from all of this doesn't come from knowing that I'm from the same manufacturer as all these folks, it comes from know that this God fellow, the architects more common name, seems to be good at what he does. I don't think that he would intentionally make some of us inferior to the rest, which is a very far thing from different. He seems to prefer to show off different sides of his creativity, and makes each new design in it's own way for their own purpose. When I start to think about all of this it becomes slightly more clear why I might be among the 1 of 70 boys born with a form of autism these days (for those of you who don't know, I have auspergers syndrome, which is a kind of autism). Just maybe that one thing that has caused my life more trouble in life than any other, and frankly makes me feel alone most of my day, exist within because there is a plan for it. I know that I certainly enjoy some of it's perks; like being able to take in large amounts of information in seconds and then not forget it or obsess about one thing until I've mastered it (currently that thing is beer). I am created for a purpose, and that is something I don't get to choose. It was chosen for me by the one who designed me, and therefore knows me best (read psalm 139, you'll see a bit of what I mean). I don't know much about what that one thing might be, but its there, or rather here within myself and the people around me. But what I do know (and this is among the very few things I can say with no doubt) is that who I am reflects a part of who Jesus is. I have that in common with you. It is one thing that truly matters in life. The strange thing about this commonality though, is that it makes us unique and valuable. God's pretty big I think, and fairly smart too. The differences between myself and most folks matter as little as what I have in common with them. I do not think I will ever be justly judged on a scale weighing how much I'm like anyone else. What will be evaluated is how I treat people, I feel about them, and how I use my unique design to make life a little better for them. And all of this is to say, God and I don't always get along, mostly because of me. But my individual reflection of him (and I think that I got some of his stubbornness) is a reason why I'm worth loving. And besides, what mHy imperfect eyes see as flaws may very well be the crown fashioned for me by His perfect hands. In all probability, my greatest flaw is not realizing thats exactly what they are. More to come, my fellow works of art. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful" Psalm 139:14

A shipwrecked view on love

I saw on the news just now that there are still 15 people missing in some cruise ship that wrecked, and among them are some Americans. Of course the first thing to pop in my mind was "my oh my, we'd better be concerned because there ares some fellow US citizens amongst those who might be dead and are certainly in a position of danger!". Actually thats a lie. The first thing I thought was "I should probably keep track of the news better", cause I didn't even know a ship had crashed until yesterday The second thing I thought was "why in the hell does it matter what country these people are from?" I get being concerned if someone you know is in danger, and I'm aware that the more we have in common with a stranger the easier it is to empathize with them. But does it really matter that out of the more than a dozen people whose lives are on the line a few of them are Americans? I don't think it does. You should know, and its possible that you already do, that I consider my first and most significant loyalty is not to the United states; it is to (what I believe is) the eternal Kingdom of God. Fortunately, the two are (mostly) not mutually exclusive. As a member of Heaven's occupying force (one of the nicknames I have for the church) it is my job to do what I can to help folks, nationality doesn't really matter to much. I care a whole lot that people are in danger or dead, but thats just because their people; bearers of the imago dei (image of God). As such, it is my job to protect them. That Jesus guy I'm so fond of talking about said a few things I like to quote. Things like "Love your neighbor as yourself (taken from the Bible, book of Matthew Chapter 19, verse 19)" and "You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. (Matt. 5:43-45)" Loving your neighbor enough to understand, we just need to do whats best for the people around us. Our fellow Americans for example. But, that second quote is confusing. My enemies are people I don't like. Typically folks get put into this mental category because they have tried to or would like to hurt me or someone I care about. Emotional, physical, economic damage, whatever they choose as their target doesn't matter. I don't like them and I want their lives to be ruined by awful things. And they deserve it. So here we have neighbors & friends, and then on the other extreme enemies and foes. So far I can say that how they've treated me motivates how I in turn act towards them. But, thats not how I'm supposed to do it. Love (read 1 Corinthians 13's definition to see what I mean by love) requires action, often in a way that goes against emotion. Treat people like I want to be treated, thats kinda what what the big guy said, isnt it? Well I want my enemies to do nice things for me, and if I also am their foe maybe I should be the one to start acting that way? Most likely this will lead to me only getting hurt more and worse, but if I'm going to be a disciple who wants to be like my rabbi, shouldn't I be willing to endure punishment for people who hurt me? Nationality, religion,and certainly not race should affect how I love. Enemy or friend, God blesses them with life and rain. Arab or Englishmen, Terrorist or marine, Christian or Muslim, all mean the same to my King Jesus. To him, all of these titles translate to "loved by God". More to come

Ron Swonson as a myetaphor for church

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFWeoxrhbE8 watch that link. Now watch it again and see Ron Swanson (the guy with a mustache) as me, and the Lowe's Employee as your typical pastor (or un-typical pastor if you prefer). Oh, and instead of a hardware store were in a church. Now I, unlike Ron in the video am there not to fix up my friend's apartment but to help a Buddie deal with something. Doesn't matter what. Just make up a problem and thats what I need to help my friend with. Now, my friend is the mohawk guy (it's a Halloween episode) in this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBSv_0o6beY And the house is his life. I'm not trying to imply that I'm anywhere near as capable of fixing my friend's life as Ron is at repairing houses, I'm mostly pointing out my own arrogance when it comes to hearing other people preach. You see, after four years of theology courses and 19 years of being a Christian there are few sermons I've not already heard. On top of that, most topics talked about in church have been discussed so in depthly during my time in college that most one hour conversation only scratch the surface of what I know. This has led to me becoming even more board than I usually am sitting still when I listen to others preach. The blending of arrogance, knowledge, and a male's attention span has turned church into a conflict between daydreams and theology. Not a good thing when your part of the ministry staff. But here we come to what I think the problem is. Sunday morning services have become focused on knowledge. Which means the Christians produced by these value knowledge and belief highly. Thats not a bad thing, but Christ followers should have something more at the chore of their values. Namely, taking care of other folks. Yes, belief in Christ being who the Bible says he is is key, but theres more to it. We are meant not just to believe what Jesus taught, but are to do it too (I recommend reading the book of James, especially chapter two, and even more so verse 26). Being saved by faith is great; I love that my mistakes were taken to the cross, but if my faith stops at me being forgiven, is it really worth anything? The life of a Christ follower should be one of action caused by faith and driven by love. With the current church model, this becomes difficult if not impossible for most congregations. Because were meant to do this in community as a church. But with a preacher whose message is what the services are based off of(please don't say or think something dumb like "but their centered on Jesus". I'm talking about the structure not motive here), the rest of the members are left with nothing to do but receive knowledge and talk amongst themselves afterwords. This method leave me dissatisfied, because I think when the member's of Christ's body gather together it should be to offer an act of service. Thats my ideal anyway. More to come (on this topic especially)

Ah Starbucks

Ah Starbucks, their all the same and I love it. Now, here in Billings there are several coffee shops, though far less than I am used to having been schooled in Eugene and raised near Portland. Off the Leaf would be my favorite, because it is a lot like the ones I frequented back in Oregon. There are a few cafes that I also like more than Starbucks. However today I am at Starbucks because it is consistent and because I have a gift card. I still don't have internet set up at my house, so that means Facebook and Google are only available where there is public wify, which I'm ok with because being in public makes it much more likely that I will meet a new friend, and I could use a few of those out here. I find irony in this. At my small studio apartment I don't meet or see any new people, and I don't want to spend time there because I have no internet and little entertainment to occupy my rather hyper self. Boredom forces me down from The Watchtower (the name I've given my studio, borrowed from the Justice Leagues outer space headquarters), into a public space so I can get on Facebook and keep tabs on my friends back home. However, since I need to be in public to do this. See what I'm getting at? It's easy enough to spend hours on Facebook, even if we've read, liked, and played everything that we can, we still stay on that website waiting for a red notification to pop up in the top left corner, which is really (at least in my case) waiting for a digital reminder telling us that someone out there approves of what we do. I know my friends like me. That's why we are friends. And I love it when we can message each other or video chat on a social networking cite, it really can make my day. But when my dedicated addiction to these social mediums robs me of an opportunity to physically be around other people, its gone from something that helps keep us in touch to a thing that will prevent us from receiving any sort of touch. This has all been said before, but with where my thoughts are going as I jog these days I wanted to give a bit of information ion what I think about social networking, since that will be crucial to understanding what I have to say in my next few posts, probably. As always, more is to come. -P.J.

I wish I were more religious, in the genuine way

I wish I was more religious. Truly, that would make me happy, or at least content. Why? Because it is a beautiful thing. Now, I’m not talking about the kind of thing practiced by medieval lords or a faith that consists of simply habits or rules. That’s not what I mean. I talking about the stuff that makes me look at people with extremely forgetfull eyes that pierce skemeas and expectations so they see whats actually there. Hands that spend more time holding other peoples troubles then they do clenched. You know, like lending a couple hours to a single mom or giving a minimal sum of cash so some kid in a picture will stop looking weird with that bloated belly and skinny limbs. The stuff that changes the world through sacrifice, forgettfull forgiving, love that acts (not feels), and ultimately a church that looks a little bit more like Jesus. I am a big fan of that guy. He tends to ignore how much of a moron I am, and how excellent at displaying my faults I can be (though I do want to point out that He is in fact my architect, so I feel like he should accept at least some of the responsibility for how often I fall short). The guy made some good alcohol, spent a whole lot of time with hookers, befriended high school drop outs (those would be some of the first 12 apostles), and told certain religious leaders where they could put their hypocritical attempts at worship and spiritual instruction. He also was at least BA enough to make his own whip and clear an entire temple with it. Ultimately, Jesus was nothing like what people thought he would be. And I imagine hes quite a bit different than who I think he is. But I do know that Jesus was very religious. He observed Jewish customs, since he was after all a Jew, and followed the commandments that we read (or more likely skip over) from the Old Testament (which was the only part of the Bible in His day). When he prayed, he covered his head in a prayer showel. When it came time for a religious feast, he participated. And when it came time for him to step up as the biggest skape goat ever, he did it. Why? Because he was religious, and because he had this crazy thing called love for people that I realy don’t get (probably because I was an Resident assistant in college and worked retail for a while. Those are two great jobs to have if you want to see how much people suck at being kind, or at least polite). His prayer in Gethsane was both a personal conversation with His (and by adoption our) father and an act of religious devotion to His God (and by choice, mine). The two work together. See, when I say religious you think judgemenal, or see an angry nun, or a bunch of rules, or whatever. I see me and Jesus sitting down for Coffee or a beer and talking about my life. And I also picture me flat on my face crying and sobbing as I pray alone in my room. I think of buying Richard, an 40 some year old hblack guy I met once who was homeless, dinner. Or Sarah the cookie lady who dedicated her life to helping young men get off the street, and often gave them wonderfully made chocolate chip cookies. I sometimes think of my Granma, who I call Nana. She is religious. She prays when she wakes up and only ends up getting sleep because it interrupts her bedtime prayers. She is strong, she is kind, and loves better by how she lives than anyone else I know. She is religious because she is dedicated to God’s work and invests herself in the people around her. Nana prays because she trust God to do a better job handling things than her, and that is part of her religion. She talks about Jesus with the same familiarity she would her father, who sang with the voice of an Irish Tenner. The Christian religion to her is practiced by putting your faith in who the Bible says Jesus is, and then going and doing what Christ teaches us to do. Her faith and her religion are one. She understands that servant like devotion to the will of God is religious, and it is part of her life. If we are going to call ourselves Christians, we should at least recognize that this means we have a religion, and that religion is very demanding by todays standards. The weird part about these religious rules though, is that they exist for our benefit, to keep us out of harms way. Kinda like mom making me hold her hand at the zoo, which I hated at the time because I wanted to go hug a lion and couldn’t understand why she was so against me having what I wanted. It was of course because she loved me and didn’t want to see her son get chomped by a massive kitty. Though in my teenage years, I’m thnkfull we didn’t go to the zoo often. It is my hope that I can be part of this emerging generation’s efforts to reclaisom and redeem religion. This is not something we can do on our own, but it is possible. Jesus, after all, has already saved religion once.